It’s been a couple of days since returning from World Race training camp, and I’m still feeling SO pumped. I met 20 strangers who now feel like family. I slept in a tent, showered with a bucket of water, and used porta-potties for 10 days. Physically speaking it was the most uncomfortable 10 days, but it’s not even worth getting into detail because there was so much spiritual fixing that took place. During those 10 days, we sat through what felt like 1,000 sessions, but it was through those sessions that the Holy Spirit did work. One of the things they encouraged through the sessions was vulnerability in our blog posts. So ready for some vulnerability? Cause it’s gonna get real in this post.
“Born to be loved” was a phrase that the speakers repeated in their sessions, and honestly when I first heard those words I thought, “Ok, that’s cute.” So this is my story of what “born to be loved” means to me now that I’m back from training.
Let me explain why this is scary for me to write.
I’m insecure. There I said it. I put up this facade that makes it seem like I’m care-free and that I don’t need man’s approval, but deep inside I’m in constant worry of what people think of me as a person and especially (this is a hard one) how I look. I think I’ve dealt with insecurity most of my life and it became worse when I placed my value and security in someone that wasn’t made or meant to give it to me. In my younger life, I didn’t develop an identity in Christ and because of that, it was easy for me to put my whole identity in someone else that made me feel valued. Eventually, when God removed that person from my life I was back to that insecure girl left with the lie that I had no value.
What am I insecure about? Throughout the past couple years I have had issues with body image. Body image issues look different in a lot of people. In my case, I have anxiety about gaining weight, and I see myself heavier then everyone else does. There’s this voice of fear that tells me that if I‘m not a certain weight no one will find me attractive, and I won’t be as pretty. If I’m not pretty enough to be found attractive then who is gonna make me feel valued?
The anxiety and fear in the last month were so intense that I finally broke down to both my parents. I knew I had to tell them when I caught myself having anxiety over not being able to have a consistent workout routine, or have control over what I eat while being on the World Race. I realized how shallow my thoughts were becoming so I had to speak up. I told them wholeheartedly how I felt about myself and how unhealthy my mental state was about my body. Did I mention this was just 4 days before training camp? Perfect timing amiright?
Before I left for training my awesome dad typed up some verses for me to memorize and dwell on (the verses are below for anyone who struggles with the same issues). I’m currently being held accountable to say these verses to him and to myself when the lies creep into my head. My dad always says that only way we can fight lies from the Enemy is with Truth and I believe in that 100% and I encourage you to practice memorizing Scripture on subjects that you struggle with. Realizing issues and confessing that I had them was definitely freeing, but it takes time to stop believing something that you’ve always thought were true in your mind. So off to training camp I went with these verses in hand trying my best to shake off the voices that were already comparing myself to girls I hadn’t even met yet.
I get to Georgia and within the first 3 or 4 days, the Holy Spirit just wrecked me. Before even touching on the subject of missions and what to expect on the Race, we were encouraged to take a big step back and look at the things in our lives that would hinder our growth with the Holy Spirit. I dug deep and I let God reveal that my inability to see my value and the love God has for me was rooted in not forgiving myself and others from my past. He revealed that my unforgiving spirit was creating prideful thoughts of having to prove I was worthy of being loved by the people who rejected me, it created a constant mindset of having to be attractive and skinny enough to keep the people in my life from rejecting me, and it also created a false idea that I wasn’t doing enough in my life to be loved by God.
Once God was finished revealing my spirit of unforgiveness, I went to one of my awesome coaches to walk me through what just seemed too hard to do alone. My flesh was fighting so hard to forgive in that moment, but she hugged me until I was ready. It was in that moment where I understood the words “born to be loved“. God doesn’t care whether I’m a size 2 or a size 16. God isn’t comparing my beauty to 3 different girls that He’s thinking about using for His Kingdom. God isn’t defining me from my past. I was born to be loved by my Father and to love Him in return, and just with that thought, the voices of the Enemy start to fade because there’s no more pressure to be enough for anyone. My value is far above rubies in His eyes and I am more than enough for Him.
The last day of training camp a girl I didn’t have too much time to get to know personally came up to me and said, “Hey I just wanted to let you know that this week you really stood out to me, and I just wanted to give you this bracelet that was given to me at my training camp.”
Are you crying? Cause stop and look down below and see what the bracelet says.
AGAPE
DO YOU KNOW THE DEFINITION OF AGAPE????? Take a look.
God is the coolest, guys. I’m back from training camp a lot less exhausted from trying to prove to people that I’m worth loving because I was born to be loved by the highest form of love. Jesus. I don’t expect the lies to not return, but I will continue to fight and have authority over the Enemy with Truth and this new understanding of love.
Man, am I ready to tell people that they’re born to be loved.
So good! Super excited for you Isabel 🙂 Further up & Further in
Crying ?? I’m so proud of you, and this was incredibly helpful to me too!
Love this! Get em girl!
Wow, thank you for sharing! I very much needed this. Proud of you, Nana! ??
My Sweetheart:
I have so prayed to our heavenly Father that the fullness of his divine love would be so real to you, and overflow, that you in turn could share with others the wonder, and the greatness of the Savior’s divine Love. You are God’s special gift to mom, and me. Now, go and tell the world! We love you my “Sweetie Pie”
Dad
Crying because I knew God would be the only one who would comfort you and restore your confidence in Him. Love you and I’m SO excited to see what else you share about what God has revealed to you through this journey.
Love you Nana ??
My “sweet pie”, I couldn’t be more proud of you as a mama. I have seen your struggles; the way you have fought so hard to maintain your relashionship with God; your daily devotions; honesty; your desire to serve God. Dad and I have been praying so much for you and He answered our prayer. What God thinks of you is all that matters. You are beautiful inside and out. Now, You are ready to go and share the divine love of God to others, this is what is important. Never forget how much He loves you and how much we love you as well.
I am in Manila, is 6:00 am and crying so much, thanking God for you. LOVE YOU, my sweet pie. Can’t wait to hug you and spend time with you.
Girl, you’re definitely not alone on this. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your experience with us. We’re rooting for you and can’t wait to see all the good you will do on this amazing journey!
Wow! Amazing! I am so glad you wrote this blog. Definitely truth for everyone! I love the phrase: “Born to be love.”
Thank you and keep it up! Praying for you!
This was a beautiful read.
You have no idea how much you giving me this bracelet means to me! Wearing it forever 🙂
Thank you for sharing.?
Love you steph! Thank you for always encouraging me. ??
Wow I’m so glad ?? Love you!!
Thanks so much Connor 🙂
I love you so much, Dad!
So excited to share! Love you!
I love you so much, Mom!!!
That means so much to me! Thank you!
Wow thank you so much for praying! I need all the prayers ?? Love you!!
God is so freaking good! Thank you so much for praying. Love you amiga!
Thank you so much! I love it too! ??
I’m so happy for you! This is something I needed to hear. ????
This is amazing to read. Reading it helps us to realize how great God is and how He is interested in using for His honor and glory. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and personal struggles and it helps others to keep going and not stop fighting for what is worth fighting for. We are proud of you and we’re here to help in what we can.
God bless you.
Omar & Olga Aroche
Wow! Isn’t God good?! I’m so happy for you and admire your bravery in writing this. I’m cheering for you and just yesterday I was listening to this song, “Wonderfully Made”, by Ellie Holcomb and was brought to tears thinking about how He sees us. You are beautiful inside and out and I can’t wait to see what the future holds for you. ??
Danisse Abberger
Mi Nana presiona,
Me hicistes llorar. Gracias por compartir con nosotros. Puedo relacionarme contigo en lo que escribisteis y decirte con vergüenza que después de tantos años en el Señor apenas yo encontré mi identidad en este tiempo que estado en Texas. Todo lo que dijisteis es exactamente el proceso que tuve que pasar para realizar que Dios es suficiente y lo tanto que nos ama. Podría decir tantas cosas pero tú lo dijiste perfectamente. Creo que deberías considerar en escribir devocionales. Me identifiqué contigo y fui bendecida al saber que hay otras personas que han pasado por lo mismo. Creo que puedes ser de bendición a muchos si decides escribir. Eres muy talentosa Mija. El Señor te siga usando. Love you and I am so proud of you.
Hna. Ly ??
Beautifully written!
What awesome parents you have!
When I heard “born to be loved” I actually thought that the truer statement is we were “born out of love” and nothing can ever reverse that.
I think there’s so many angels in my life, and I remember this old man at a prior job telling me, “Jesus died for you for you and even if you were the only one, He’d do it again.”
Everything and I mean EVERYTHING precedes from His love and nothing can shake that! If we really all took hold of our identity in Christ, how unshakable would we be!!?
YOU ARE ENOUGH!
Isabel , this was wonderful ! Thank you . I will memorize the verses as well . ??
Isabel thanks so much for sharing this. I too was in the same boat. Many people around me all my life has always rejected me without even knowing me and that always made me feel like I didn’t deserve love but God showed me that I was his child and I was loved through him greatly no matter what! Now I have so much peace about God and his love and because I do I am 100% happy. Life now will only get better for you I’m so excited for you God bless you girly.
Nana, you touched my heart! I love!?? because you’re the youngest one I didn’t get to be around you so much!:( but I know you’re a very special girl and so beautiful inside and of course outside you’re so pretty gorgeous! I know God has great things for you! Go out there and be an instrument in his hands!! Love you so very much!?????????? you’re beautifully made in his image!
I don’t know if you’ve ever read (crazy love) it’s a good book!????
You. Are. Inspiring. Thank you for following the Holy Spirit and sharing your heart. I’ve been praying each day for your Race. I love you SO much.
Incredibly happy for you Isabel!
I know many of us kept you in our prayers and God truly answered!
Thank you for being brave and vulnerable and bringing awareness
God’s truth prevails and we must continue to tell ourselves who we are in Him
Love you !