Slow Down For What?

First of all, I’m already sorry for the title of this blog. I couldn’t think of anything more creative than to title it based off of “Turn Down For What”. I realize this might be the end of me. Second, it’s been a minute since I’ve given an update! I thought I’d give you all a really quick recap of what the last couple of months have held, and what I keep having to learn. I hope in some way it can maybe encourage a soul or two out there. 🙂 

I’ll start by saying that this summer has come and gone right before my eyes, and as much as I love the summer months I’ve been really anticipating to start a new chapter with Gap I! It’s been two months since I got to meet these incredible men and women of God, and when I say “incredible”… I mean INCREDIBLE. I left boot camp deeply inspired and encouraged from seeing their burning desire to see change in themselves. They’ve pushed me to look at myself these past two months to do more self-examining, and allow the Lord to keep refining me. Now, we’re several weeks away from getting together again to start this completely new experience together, and let me tell ya, the last few months have been…refining. Haha 

This summer has been busy as I’ve been traveling for family and friend get-togethers, and attending to important things before I leave again. It’s been a special and memorable summer that I am so grateful for, but somewhere along the way I allowed the business of it all to affect the quality of my time with the Lord. I am confident in my recognition of the voice of the Lord; but because I allowed the business of the summer to be a great distraction, my confidence was shaken. Questions revolving whether or not I am even equipped to lead Gap Year arose. As well as, questions about myself and my character. Am I a good leader? Am I a good teacher? Am I a good friend? Am I a good steward of time? Did I just fool myself into thinking I was all these things and more? Am I actually just a fraud? Can I even hear God? 

So I intentionally sat in the Lord’s midst. I asked for His patience, as I was once again coming to Him in a position I put myself in. Time and time again, I feel like He has to remind me that rushed and passive time with Him doesn’t do much for our relationship. 

So sure enough, He met me with patience and kindness. His quiet presence reminded me that He was always there, but I just needed to slow down. I was running too fast without realizing that He’s been sitting on the sidelines wondering when I’ll slow down to rest with Him a bit. He was just waiting for me. Waiting for me to get tired from trying to meet every need that called for my attention, with an abundance of my own strength and just a little bit of His. Then He hit me with some hard truth. The truth is that my short, rushed time with Him was only to appease a guilty conscience, and not really at all for His deserved worship and glory. I’m still in this refining and renewing process of mind that time spent with God is more than just about time. It’s about heart posture. Reading a quick chapter of His word to mark off my “good works” to-do list is not considered worship. He really just longs for my presence to come with a sincerity of actually wanting to be there. Genuinely enjoying His presence, while He enjoys mine. Then He also graciously gave me kind truth. He assured me that I am where I am by His grace, and because His voice has guided me here. The continual transformation that takes place in my life is a testament that I can hear the voice of my Father. He also has no questions about my abilities or character, because it’s really not about me anymore. It’s about Him. It’s about His ability and His character, and because He lives in me I can regain confidence in who I am through Him. I just have to stay connected to the Vine to bear the fruit. Hallelujah 🙂 

So my update is that I’m slowing down! I’m learning how to steward my time well to have some good moments with the Lord. I’m also very sure this blog will serve as a great reminder, and hold some accountability over me as I enter what I think will be a busy season with Gap I. Which is perfect timing, because I’ll be in Gainesville, Georgia in just 3 short weeks! I am beyond excited to get to know more about Gap I, and start pouring into each other as the body of Christ does. We’ll have 6 weeks to get rooted in Gods word as a means to be physically, mentally, and spiritually prepared to head out to our first country in November! 

If you can, keep your gal and all of Gap I in your prayers! I’m so looking forward to letting you all in on how the Lord is working once we get started in hopes that it may encourage you! If you’d like to contribute to my time with Gap I, I would so appreciate if you could please consider asking the Lord if that looks like a donation or through prayers!  Every cent and word of prayer helps, and I am most thankful to those of you who have already done so! Thank you so much for staying with me. Love you all deeply! Talk to you soon 🙂