Living in the Mundane

 

It’s been one month since I came back to America. Time has flown so fast, and yet it feels like I was in South Africa just yesterday. Since being back in America, I haven’t quite settled in at “home” in a physical house just yet because my parents moved out of my childhood home while I was on the field. Reading that sounds like this blog just quickly escalated to some sad story about my parents selling the house I lived in since I was 6 while I was away; however, that is not the case. I promise, it’s just mere information for life updating purposes. Haha As my parents wait for their new house to be built, I’ve become quite the little vagabond wandering from hotel to hotel with them, to staying at my sister and brother-in-law’s house (shout out to Dan and Jen). Regardless of those small hiccups though, I’ve so enjoyed being able spend time with my family and cuddle my spaz of a dog. I also have enjoyed doing all the small things again like being able to drive again, visiting the local coffee shops, and oh man, walking inside a Target was glorious! 

 

Those were all fun things to experience again, but now that I’ve done all the things that I daydreamed about doing while I was away, I‘ve had to come face to face with what’s been making me feel off since being back. I purposefully lived the last 3 months in South Africa absolutely clueless about what was happening on the news, and stayed much more clueless about what was on social media. My soul was so at rest just focusing on what was right before my eyes and being present where the Lord placed me. I’m in no way saying that to bring praise to myself, because in all honesty it was difficult to not get on Instagram and mindlessly scroll whenever I was bored; but man, it brought me to a new understanding of what guarding my heart, mind, and soul looks like for me. I was so pumped to return home and keep living in what felt like cloud 9 with the Lord. He had never felt closer. I was filled with fresh fire. I was ready to face anything and everything because my faith in His calling for my life was the strongest it’s ever been. Come April 26, as I stepped back into America, I was overcome with a wave of restlessness. I’ve been going through a season where I feel everything is at a stand still, and I’m stuck in the middle of what seems like a really mundane place. Transitioning to America has been so different than the first time I returned. As much as I was processing and preparing with the Lord about the potential difficulties of transitioning back into the U.S., I don’t think the reality of how hard it would be sunk in until I actually got here. 

 

So how do I re-enter a place I’ve been clueless about for 3 months? How do I handle the lack of ease to feel the Lord’s presence in my cold hotel room, when it just came naturally from experiencing the beauty of His creation in uninhabited green hills surrounded by the Indian Ocean? How do I go about the deep longing for the community I grew accustomed to on the field? How do I deal with this fresh faith in anticipating that the Lord is planning something really good for me in the next years to come ,and having to wait to see it all unfold? How do I sit in  the restlessness of living in what feels like a mundane place? 

 

I’m facing some of those questions, and even more unmentioned questions, on a day to day basis. I’m fully aware that the solution to all those questions is definitely Jesus; but if I can be open and honest with you, in this very moment, I’m in the process of actively choosing Him to be my solution, rather than settling for the mere knowledge that He is. Some days the battle feels harder to fight and I find myself in a puddle of tears. Facing all those questions sometimes makes me want to run and hide behind things that fleetingly take my mind off of them. For me, that looks like binge watching a Netflix series, spending hours on social media to get a laugh or possibly post something that gives me a sense of value, eating when I’m not hungry, retail therapy, and the list goes on. It’s quite hard to break the habits that you’ve continually chosen to distract yourself with, or cope with, when hard seasons come along. I’ve been humbled down by the Lord these last few weeks, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt. Where I thought I had been sufficiently stretched on the field, He is stretching me even further at home.

Psalm 139 has been on my mind more than ever in this season, and I feel comforted knowing that there is nowhere too dark that God isn’t there to hold me and lead me through it. Another piece of Scripture that I’ve been holding onto for encouragement has been Hebrews 10:35-36. It says, “Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised. For, “Yet a little while, and the coming one will come and will not delay; but my righteous one shall live by faith, and if he shrinks back, my soul has no pleasure in him.” But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls.” Reading that really reignites that burning flame in me whenever I feel like it’s about to go out, and hopefully it reignites something in you. 🙂 

I’m most confident that the Holy Spirit is working alongside me and providing me with His fruit in this season. There is a book I’m currently reading called, What Happens When Women Step into Faith? Within the pages I came across some words that have really helped me shift my perspective in this time. It says, “…what we call mundane is, in some very important ways, significant in God’s school of preparation.” As I read that, I was reminded that I am the Lord’s work in progress. He is faithfully and continuously perfecting me for His Kingdom, and that is such a humbling but encouraging thought. Like I said, some days are harder than others, but I’m committed to sit and learn through this time of preparation He has placed me in.

 

So if you ask me how it’s been going since being back home? My honest answer is that I’m over here trying to dig deeper into my Jesus, because it’s been a really weird first month back. I share all this to ask for your prayers over me because, man, I’m in need of it. 🙂

 

Now if you don’t mind, I’m gonna switch the tone to something more lighthearted. haha Although this is a hard season, there’s also plenty of good within it! I have officially been accepted to squad lead a Gap Year this fall! I feel beyond unworthy, but also thrilled to think that the Lord deems me worthy enough to be given the opportunity to be a part of the work that He’s doing in the hearts of young believers. I ask that you please pray for His abundant grace over my life as I learn to lead people from the ages of 17-20. I also ask for prayers as I enter the process of fundraising again! It will take $5,000 dollars to get me through 9 months of pouring into God’s kids on American soil, as well as, on the foreign field. When in prayer, if you are ever led to help a sister out by giving you can click on my World Race profile where you’ll see a “Donate” button! If you want to be on the lookout, I’ll be doing a few fundraising projects as well 🙂 

 

Thank you so much for reading. I’m filled with thanksgiving knowing that there are people out there reading about my journey, and have been praying for me from the very beginning. Squad leading will be a new chapter in this journey that I’m sure will come with new growth, and I’m excited to tell you all about it when the time comes. You all are a blessing. Thanks again 🙂 

 

-Isabel 

 

 

Below are some lyrics to a song I’ve kept in my heart as a reminder that Christ is always faithful in being present even in the times we don’t feel Him close. Be blessed 🙂 

 

“I have never walked alone

You were with me through it all

Broken hearts and broken bones

You have always held me close

There’s no place that I could go
Heavens high or hell below
I have lived enough to know
Anywhere with You is home

 

Hallelujah, Christ the Lord is with me

Hallelujah, Christ the Lord is with me

Hallelujah, Christ the Lord is with me

 

Now I live with confidence

That nothing in my universe

Could ever separate me from

Jesus, everlasting love

There’s no height and there’s no depth
True in life and true in death
You who keep Your covenant
Great will be Your faithfulness”